Idk what to call this. But read away, my friends.

I see you standing there
An I'm sitting here
Not so faraway from you
But dear, I tell you now
I don't know whether I should say hi
or just sit here in my seat
Talk dear. Talk to me
Cause I miss the sound of your voice
Not the words in your text

I keep stealing glances at my phone
Keep checking what time  it is
Where are you I miss you
I'm still waiting
But I'll get tired, you know
And I don't know how much longer I  can wait
But for you, I will
For I love you

Do you realise what I feel?
Hell, do you even want to know?
I'm dying to tell you
But I'm such a coward
I'm afraid. Too afraid
I'm afraid that my little words would break our thing
When I'm still holding on to that thing of ours tightly

Dear, I'm writing this
as I'm staring at the heavily pouring rain
Just like my tears are right now
The skies are crying
Just like my heart is right now
And I watch silently,
as the lightning strikes the ground
Just like your goodbye does to my heart

Ain't it funny? How you can love someone and hate them at the same time?

I found it absolutely funny. How you can hate someone and love them at the same time. How you hate someone so much but you can do nothing because you don't want them to get hurt.
It's like, it's like you want to push them off of a cliff then rush to the bottom to catch them. You just hate them so much because they're everything you think about.

You hate them because they turned you into the most selfish person alive, 'cause you want them to be yours, all yours, and yours only.You hate them because they turned you into some fool, lovesick puppy.

And you hate them, you hate them for making you fall hopelessly in love with them.

Reason Why

"You'll never know if you never try"

Yeah, you know how people always say that? "You'll never know unless you try"? Well I've never been in love, unlike other normal teenagers. I've never known what it feels like. And people told me to try.

But hell, I found it hard to trust anything, and it's harder to trust love. I've seen my friends falling in love, and getting hurt at the end. Crying their eyes out when it all ends. I just, I don't want to be like that. I don't want to spend my tears over some stupid relationship. I don't want to be happy only in the beginning, then in the end pain would be all I feel. And I don't know, it just gave me idea that love will just hurt me. That it's impossible to stay in love with one person, and then it'd all end with either I leave him or he leaves me.

It made me cringe. It gave me idea that love will never last so long. It'll just end in pain.

But I've seen many old couples too. Like my grandparents for example. Death, did them apart. But my grandma still loves him though, up until today. One day, when I was visiting a doctor, I saw an old couple. The husband sat on a wheelchair, wearing thick sweater and scarf, obviously cold. His wife only rubbed his hand and stared at him lovingly, giving him courage that everything would be just fine. That they would still have time together. And when he coughed, she rubbed his back and whispered something that made him smile.

It made me smile. It gave me hope that love can indeed last that long. It changed my mind.

For a while.

Sometimes I think that I've been protecting myself for far too long. I find myself sometimes wondering what it feels like to be in love. But then the scared part of me reminds me again why it's better this way. Why it's better to protect myself, to keep myself away from a pain that might greet me.

Call me a coward for being afraid of love. Call me chicken for being afraid of getting hurt. Call me anything you like.

I'll try to open up my heart when I'm ready. I'll try to love someone when I'm ready. When I'm ready to be happy then crushed at the end, and when I'm ready to feel a love that lasts forever.

Forgetting someone is easy. But dear, you're not just 'someone' to me

And hell, I just wanted to stare at the rain at first. Just wanted to hear its melody. But then my mind wandered and soon, I found myself thinking about you. My mind began replaying all memories we once shared, racking through the files in my brain, looking for your recorded laughter, and then played the melodic tune over and over again.

But then I snapped back to reality. Damn, why is it so hard to just bury everything about you? Why is it so hard to forget your sweet promises, to forget your shooting words? Why does it seem nearly impossible to forget you?

Some people say it's easy to forget someone. But dear, you're not just 'someone' to me. You never were, and you'll never be. You're something more. And that what makes it harder.

Teach me will you? Teach me how to forget someone who once was so important to you. Tell me how you erased me from your mind.

Pretending

I'm holding a fireball in my hand
Trying to bring it up to my lips
And swallow it away
But I'm a coward
So I just clutch it instead

I have a fireball in my hand
Trying to find a safe place
And hide it away
But I get tired
So I pocket it instead

It's getting hotter
....and hotter

I'm covering a ball of fire with my bare hands
Trying to find someone whom I can share it with
But I'm giving up
So I pretend I'm covering a cold ice instead

I Don't Know

I don't know
It was all blur
I didn't care where it was
I didn't care when it was
I didn't care about the surroundings
Hell
I didn't even care who I was

I don't know, darling
It was all blur, I can assure you
It was just your eyes I could see
Eyes where I used to get lost in
It was just your voice I could hear
Voice that used to lull me to sleep

I don't know, dear
It was all blur I'm telling you
And the only thing I can remember is
When a goodbye escaped your lips
Lips that used to kiss me goodnight