Wendy

I just want to know
if you ever picture yourself as Peter Pan,
refusing to drink coffee,
too caught up in a world of lollipops,
too busy sipping on a glass of hot chocolate with marshmallows
Flying around the bushes
with a little help of fairy dust
and happy thoughts.
Happy thoughts.

I want you to tell me
if you ever picture yourself as Wendy,
too eager to take a sip of bitter black coffee,
leaving her unwrapped lollipop
and her half-empty glass of hot chocolate with marshmallows
Walking away from the joy of flying,
ignoring the aching desire for happy thoughts
Happy thoughts.

Tell me,
do you sometimes miss the way you ran when you were 6?
The time when you ran because you felt free,
because you were the one who actually chased something
Not because you felt pushed,
not because you were the one who was being chased
I want to know if you ever miss
the way you talked when you were only 5
When you talked because you wanted to,
not because you had to.
When you talked because you wanted to share your story,
not because other people demanded you to.
I want to ask you if you sometimes wonder
where these past ten years have gone to
Maybe at this very moment they are flying around the big old tree
in your front yard
Or maybe they're flying around the swing in the park
where you used to come when you were a kid
Or maybe they are just floating above your head,
having fun teasing you with their memories
And you're desperately trying to catch them
but they seem to float higher and higher
and then they spread their wings and fly
And you remember you can't fly
because you don't have fairy dust
you can't keep happy thoughts in your head for a long time
So you just sit back
and watch them soar into the air

If I asked you if you ever found it hard to sleep at night,
would you say yes and tell me why
or would you just brush it off and change the topic?
I want to know if you ever need help to fall asleep
I want to know why you need help to fall asleep
Is it because your pillow isn't comfortable enough?
Is it your blanket that can't keep you warm enough?
Is it because your bed doesn't feel soft enough against your skin?
Is it because you're afraid of the dark?
And even though you keep the lamp on,
you still have to close your eyes,
and it's all dark when you close them.
Is it because your nightmares keep haunting you?
Whispering sweet promises of love you're afraid of?
Leaving dark marks under your eyes.
Leaving a speck of fear in your pupils.

Tell me,
if I made some theories now
would you believe me or would you laugh at me?
Telling me to stop being so silly?
Would you actually listen to me?
But hey, God created me to be a stubborn creature,
and I want you to hear my theories.
So listen to me now

Perhaps, you can't fall asleep because your brain
  is too busy thinking of someone.
Or perhaps, you can't fall asleep because your brain
is too busy wondering
why you don't have anyone to think of.
Perhaps you can't fall asleep because your brain is so restless
and it just can't stop wondering about silly things.
Like, why the heck does the sun rise in the east
and set in the west?
Why is this planet round? Why can't it be square?
And then you remember that God made it that way because of reasons.
And then you wonder what those reasons could be.

Perhaps you can't fall asleep because you remember the old man
you passed on the street today.
Sat on a bench, looking up at the sky smiling.
As if he was listening to God telling him that his time in this screwed up world
was about to end
And he smiled because he finally felt free,
and you're wondering when you will feel free too.
Perhaps you can't fall asleep because you remember seeing
an old couple the other night in a restaurant
Chatted away happily together just like two silly teenagers,
whispering sweet things to each other,
gazing at each other in a complete adoration,
holding hands as if they were too afraid to let go because the other might disappear into thin air
And you're wondering when you will find a love like that.

Or perhaps you can't fall asleep because you miss
the way you ran when you were 6
Because you miss the way you talked when you were 5
Because you miss that swing in the park you used to visit when you were a kid
Perhaps you can't fall asleep because you finally realize you are Wendy
Too eager to have a taste of your father's strong hot black coffee
leaving your unwrapped lollipop a gift from your mother for being a nice kid that day,
leaving your half-empty glass of hot chocolate you usually had after a snowball fight

Perhaps,
you can't fall asleep because tonight,
you stop ignoring the aching desire for happy thoughts
as you finally embrace the ache.
You finally embrace the ache.