UAS Expository Essay

Hayyundi Qurratuain
145110100111037
Expositoy Essay

Outline

Topic                           : Depression

Thesis Statement         :
            1. The meaning of depression
            2. Its differences from common sadness
            3. Causes
            4. Common symptoms
            5. It is a crucial thing to talk about

Body Paragraph 1       :
Topic Sentence                        : Effects
            Major support 1           : Effects on sufferers
            Minor support 1          : Mental and physical effects

                        Major support 2           : Social effects
            Minor support 2          : How other people can be supportive

Body Paragraph 2       :
Topic Sentence                        : Self-harm
            Major support 1           : Type of self-harm
            Minor support 1          : Things to do to distract yourself
            Major support 2           : Supporting projects
            Minor support 2          : The Butterfly project and The Bracelet Project

Body paragraph 3       :
Topic Sentence                        : Suicide         
            Major support 1           : Rate of suicide
            Minor support 1          : Recent suicide cases
            Major support 2           : Causes of suicide
            Minor support 2          : What to do to handle suicidal thoughts

Conclusion                  :
1. Effect of depression
2. Summarize of the major and minor support
3. Whether it is important or not and why

Unipolar Depression

Scrolling through news feed, it is not a rare thing to stumble upon health news about depression: 10 Steps to Keep Yourself Away from Depression, 7  Things You Should Know About Depression, How to Seek Help, Help Your Loved Ones Battle Depression, and many other. Reading so many things about depression sparks question, what is depression?

Depression is an intense feeling of low mood, sadness, and low self-esteem in a long period of time (lasting for weeks, months even years) without any apparent reasons. Sometimes the feeling of hopelessness is there out of the blue. The sufferer may feel fine in the morning, but as the day progresses, the sufferer feel gradually lower and lower and the unreasonable low mood will stay with them for quite long time. It seems like the sufferer is ‘sad’.

Then what is exactly the difference between depression and sadness? Sadness is a normal human emotion, a normal feeling. We have all experienced sadness and there is no doubt each of us will feel sad again at some points in our lives. Sadness is mostly caused by a difficult, hurtful, challenging, or disappointing event, experience, or situation. In other words, we tend to feel sad about something.

On the other hand, depression is not a normal feeling or emotion. It is a mental disorder that affects our behavior, perceptions, way of thinking, and perceptions in a chronic way. When the sufferers feel sad, they tend to feel sad about everything and they feel strongly about it. The sufferers do not necessarily need a reason to feel sad, they do not need loss, disappointment, or difficult situation to be triggered to feel depressed. Somehow, this is one of the reasons why they feel bad. They most of the time know they have no reason to be sad, yet they do.

Depression is a complex disorder that is mostly linked to the abnormality of brain. A small part of the brain, called hippocampus, appears smaller in people with depression. The smaller hippocampus is, the fewer serotonin is. Serotonin is one of neurotransmitters that allow communication across circuits that connect different brain regions. Number of reasons can increase the risk of depression in some people. Abusive childhood or relationship, death of loved ones, major events in life, health problems, personal struggles and genetics can play a great deal in activating this abnormal part of the brain.

Depression, it turns out, does not mean someone constantly shuts themselves out from society. Sometimes it is laughing with friends in the afternoon, running so many activities and staring at the ceiling at night. So, how do we tell if someone is suffering from depression? Notice the changes in their behavior, even the most subtle ones. Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy is one example. We can also see in their changes of appetites, whether they eat less or more than usual. They can also show changes in their sleeping patterns. Complaining about being fatigued is also increasing, along with shorter temper and irritable mood towards people.

Depression has become one of the most important thing to talk about because it has occurred to many people; grown up’s, elderly, and mostly teenager. The talk about how to avoid depression, how to prevent relapse and how to help the sufferers has increased. Research about what kind of herbs and food that can help ease depression has become a crucial thing because the sufferers cannot always rely on medications only.

Depression has many effects on the sufferers, both mentally and physically. Mentally, the sufferers may feel tired because the constant loneliness is always there, the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness also wears them out. The worst mental torture is the feeling that no one loves them and cares for them enough to accept their condition.

Mental tiredness can affect their physical condition. Fatigue does not seem to go away so they feel tired all the time. In a long period of time, they can suffer from malnutrition because they do not eat enough or obesity since they gain appetite. In some cases the sufferers may also lose memory and find it easier to forget things.

This will have effect on their social activities. They become too tired to do things they should do, they cannot perform well at school or work and it will lead other people who have no idea about their condition to start belittle them, and this, of course, can make the sufferers feel worse about themselves.

The things people around them can do to help them is to be always by their sides. Remind them that we will always support them. Simple things can be done such as, helping them cleaning their rooms, making them their favorite food, helping them rearrange things, making schedule for them can also help them get back on track.

Depression makes the sufferers feel constant ache in their chests. Some nights they feel too much and the ache becomes unbearable for them, some nights they feel nothing and only numbness remain. This can result in one thing, self-harm. Whether it is to make them forget the pain in their chests or to just feel something when the numbness is there.

Self-harm is an action to hurt yourself without any intention in killing yourself. Self-harm has many forms; cutting yourself with sharp objects, scratching your skin with nails, burning yourself or hitting yourself with objects or just with your hand. The sufferers may feel relieved after they hurt themselves, they finally feel something to distract themselves from the pain or numbness in their chests.

Self-harm is not the right escape, of course. There are things that could be done to distract yourself from the pain or numbness. You can use your pillow to hit the wall, break sticks, rip up old newspaper or phonebook, you can distract yourself with a relaxing bath or write your emotion on a piece of paper. Try to channel your emotion, do not keep them bottled up.

Some people who are concerned about self-harm have made some movements to show their support. They make some projects to help the sufferers such as, The Butterfly Project and The Bracelet Project. The Butterfly project started in 2010 when a blogger suggested the sufferers should draw butterflies on spots the usually hurt and if they hurt that spot, that means they kill the butterfly. The purpose is to avoid killing butterflies as many as possible.

The Bracelet Project is made to show our support for the sufferers of mental illness. The participants, as well as the sufferers who join this project, wear bracelets in colors that represent each disorder. Black is used to represent self-harm and blue represents depression. There are many other colors that represent eating disorder, panic disorder, personality disorder and many others.

The worst thing that can happen to people with depression is suicide. The constant sadness and other negative emotions may lead to suicidal thoughts, some people take this was as a shortcut to end their suffer. According to AFSP, more than 1.5 millions people committed suicide in last year alone and approximately 1 million attempts of suicide happen every year. Over the last 10 years, AFSP reports, suicide rate has generally increased, and by 2014 it stood at 12.9 deaths per 100,000 people.

One of the most talked about suicide case is actor Robin Williams who committed suicide in August 2014. Many speculation arose regarding his death and it became wildly known he had been suffering from depression all his life and finally lost his battle. He is an example that depression sometimes invisible to the eyes that are not paying attention.

The sufferers of depression sometimes feel so helpless and lonely and it feels like people around them do not care enough. They feel like the pain is too much to handle and it makes them feel like they should end it soon, so suicide has become their fastest way to escape.

When the sufferers begin to talk about death a lot, the thing we should do is talk to them about it. Remind them that death is not the right solution to end pain. Convince them to seek professional help and the right treatment so they can get the medications that they should have. It is a long process but it is better than ending life.

Depression is a life-changing condition both for the sufferers and people around them. The effects depression has can turn life for the worse, if it ends in suicide, or for the better, if it is finally overcome. It is important for us to learn about it, to know more, because it can help us help others. However, we should take care of ourselves too before taking care of others. We have to help ourselves first in order to help others. It is a long journey to overcome depression, it takes a long time but remember that suicide only erases the opportunity of it ever getting better.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201510/is-the-difference-between-sadness-and-depression

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/causes-depression

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm

http://www.normanrosenthal.com/blog/2012/03/seven-signs-of-a-depression/

http://www.psychguides.com/guides/depression-symptoms-causes-and-effects/

http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/

http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/

http://butterflies-for-beauties.tumblr.com/bracelet-project

https://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide/facts-and-figures

Explaining Mental Illness to People Who Don’t Understand

I take a deep breath, and count from one to five
One. Two. Three. Four. Five,
and tell myself, “You don’t need the blade. You don’t.”
I take a deep breath and count from one to ten
I tell myself again, “You don’t need to see your blood right now.”
I do it again, “You don’t need that knife right now.”
But God, the desire to reach out for the knife is overwhelming and it just won't go away
I just wish it'd fly out the window and—wait, I have my window closed.
I frantically open it and by the time I reach my bed again,
the urge to slash my skin open is gone.
This is what I’ve been living with for the past few years.

I was just texting you when all of sudden I grew tired and my heart felt heavy
and I just lost interest to do anything and I swear there was hole in my chest
You asked me what was wrong and when I told you, you said
“Oh, you’re just tired and it’s probably a bad mood.”
But is it? Is it bad mood when you can practically feel emptiness in your heart?
Is it bad mood when all you can feel is numbness?
Is it bad mood when it lasts for three whole months before it suddenly stops, then randomly reappears?
You ask me, “How can you feel a hole in your chest?”
Go ask that to every depressed person out there and I bet you they’re gonna say, “You wouldn’t understand.”
Because you don’t and you won’t and you can’t
Because you don’t have that hole in your chest.

I say to myself, “I’m gonna rest for a while.”
I lie in my bed and close my eyes and that’s when the thought of failing hits me.
Oh my God how can I just rest?
What if I fail my classes? What if I get left behind?
What if I disappoint people? What if I already have?
What if people hate me?
So I frantically open my textbooks and write things down and try to make people happier
and I start to pace things up
because I’m afraid I won’t have long time left
Because I’m scared I’ll die before I finish things.

Do not tell me my anxiety isn’t real
Do not tell me I’m worrying over unimportant little things too much
Do not tell me that I don’t have anything to be anxious about,
that I’m just being silly
Do not tell me to get a grip
My anxiety, is not nervousness before exams.

Do not, for a second, try to tell me that my depression is just my imagination
Do not tell me to get over it
Do not tell me that my life is great, I have no problems, I have nothing to be depressed about
Do not tell me there are others who have it worse than me but look!
They’re fine, they still go on with their lives!
How the fuck do you know that they’re fine?
How the fuck do you know they don’t spend nights wondering why the hell everything is so hard?
How the fuck do you know they don’t feel the numbness that I’m feeling?
How the fuck do you know they don’t have holes in their chests?
How the fuck do you know they don’t drag themselves out of beds every morning to get ready to face another day when all they can think about is dying?
Because that’s what I do every fucking morning.
So do not remind me that my life isn’t worse than some people’s.
I know that! Yet here I am struggling with my life and that makes me feel worse about myself!

Do not tell me that my scars are ridiculous
Do not tell me I drag my blade across my skin because I ‘follow the trend’
or because I ‘read it on the internet and thought that it was cool’.
Do not tell me I scratch my skin just for attention
If I want attention, I’d write this poem on a huge billboard
Write my name under the words ‘you people are fuckers!’
Do not tell me my self-harm habit is horrible when in reality it’s the one that sobers me up.
Not you. Fuck you.

So now you still want to tell me that mental illness isn’t real?
You still want to tell me it’s just a phase?
You still want to say that, even when my brain is chemically wrong, I’m not sick?
You still want to say that those people, who starve themselves to be beautiful enough to your standard, aren’t real?
Those people who vomit after they eat,
those people with personalities so confusing,
those people who can not stay still,
those people with OCD, ADHD, anorexia, bulimia, schizophrenia, bipolar, autism, anxiety and panic disorder, aren’t real?

Read more. See more. Listen more.
Open your mind, wake the fuck up.
Surprise! We’re here! We’re real!
And we don’t need your scrunching up nose and your words that ‘it’s just a phase it’ll go away’ and ‘it’s just your feeling you’ll be fine’.
Newsflash, we won’t.
We don’t need your uneducated judgments or your ignorant opinions
We need your understanding, we need you to be there for us
And most importantly, we need your acknowledgment,
that we are real.

~~

Wrote this one when I was feling pretty overwhelmed so yeah, and probably my first slam poem.

Conversation with My Reflection

I heard you
You kept saying it would turn out alright
You kept repeating the word 'fine' to other people
until your lips bled
Like,
You knew tears couldn't get dry but everytime you felt like crying
Your eyes shed dry dust
And tonight, I know you rip at your wrist again,
watching the drops of your blood dancing in your dark room
Twinkling innocently under the moonlight
as if saying "hello, old friend" to you shyly.

And I know,
you're only trying to find the monster inside you.
I know you scratch
and you cut
and you claw
and you stab
only to try to kill the monster in you.
I know you pull your hair out
cry a river
scream like the dead,
trying to get that beast out of your veins.

You tell yourself,
You're not hurting yourself
You're only trying to protect whatever left in you.

Honey,
go face that mirror,
see your reflection,
look at every scar, every bruise,
look at the dark blue paint around your eyes,
and say,
"This is my skin,
this is my body.
No one has the right to rule it but me.
No one has the right to sneer at it as if it were a disease.
No one has the right to comment on it as if it were a youtube video."
Point at your chest,
feel your heart beat,
hitting the chorus of life,
as if that life of yours
were a song,
and say,
"No one has the right to play it like it's a stupid game.
No one has the right to  break it like it's a glass.
No one has the right to step on it like it's a carpet."
Now look at your trickling blood,
say,
"This is my blood carrying my poems.
This is my blood carrying my soul.
This is my blood carrying my passion.
This is my blood carrying my music."
The blood that's sprouting from one single cut
you've carved on yourself tonight,
screaming out your rhythm.
As if that life of yours,
were a literature masterpiece.

And trust me,
no matter how battered you are,
you are the protagonist of this story God has written for you.
No matter how beaten up you are,
you are a God's masterpiece.

19

I was four
When I discovered I could sing my heart out
My mother used to video-tape me singing
My father used to take the pictures
Because human brains, they say, can forget easily.
I was six
And I was already great at reading
I beat my classmates when it came to reading
And boy was I great at writing too.
But it was when I was six too
When I discovered I was dreadful at drawing
My teacher told the class to draw a fish and I couldn't do it
I remember crying when I told my mother I couldn't draw
I was horrified there was something I was horrible at
But then I learned no one could master everything

It was two years later, I think
When I decided relationships were stupid.
Because my older childhood friend got a boyfriend
And she spent less time with me,
while I spent more time with my books.
And once she came back to me,
she was crying and told me her boyfriend broke up with her and hurt her.
I didn't know what that meant,
so I just offered her my book.
That was when I swore to myself that,
along with relationships, falling in love and boyfriends were a stupid idea.
And then I got back to my books.
I was thirteen, I guess
When a boy told me he liked me and asked me out
I freaked out and told him no immediately
I know I hurt him but hey, I said sorry
And I still believed falling in love would be a dumb move.

But it was four years after that,
I was freshly-just-turned-seventeen
When I stupidly made that dumb move,
and fell disgustingly in love with a guy
It was, dare I say it, my first love.
It hadn't felt anything like a stupid idea at that time
Until I got my heart crushed, of course
That was when the thought of 'falling in love is a bad idea' came back
And, boy, did that thought come along with streaming tears and a heartache.
I am nineteen now
And that first love is stubbornly still there
Like coffee stains on my shirt when I accidentally spilled it
Like blood stains on my pillow the first night I ripped off my skin
And that makes me think again that falling in love is indeed a godamn dumb move.
And relationships are stupid as fuck.
And books are still my best partner.

My brain, is one hell of a place
Jumbled words and memories,
questions and answers
anxiety and imagination,
opinions compared to facts,
book world and real world,
I'm trying to build them neatly
I am nineteen now,
And I still get lost while building my mind

I am nineteen

And I swear I still can't draw
I can't paint my mother's warm eyes the exact shade of hot chocolate she used to make me
But I sing to the flow of my blood in my veins,
Noticing how every beat is a love story about God gives me another second of life
And I still sing,
but no longer in front of my mother to video-tape me,
no longer in front of my father to take pictures of me
I'm nineteen and I still feel pride in my reading habit
Human brains, they say, can forget easily
But it's been already eleven years and I still stubbornly think,
"Holy shit falling in love is a dumb idea
and relationships are stupid
and so are boyfriends"
And with that thought,
I get back to my books.

I'm back?

So yeah, it's been like forever since the last time I actually wrote something. The last time I posted was like, a few months back? And it was about me relapsing so it wasn't really counted as a poem or something. I noticed the last time I posted a poem was more than a year ago.

And that, somehow, made me sad.

I didn't really stop writing, I posted short stuff on my path or line account every once in a while, or just scratched  something on my textbooks. But they were never a long one. I tried but it turned into something I despised once I reread it, so I guess I just kind of stopped writing long poems.

But I hope I can get back on track soon.

So, so much has changed in a couple of years. So much happened in 2 years. Friggin' avalanche of problem happened in family, family got torn, heart had fallen disgustingly in love, the fallen heart got broken, mind was screwed, mental was disturbed, self harmed myself, wanted to die, depressed beyond belief, family reunited again, family problems solved (kind of), depression healed (hopefully no relapse again), the broken heart slowly mended itself (like, really REALLY slow I swear), I graduated from high school, I moved out from home (I HAVE TO LIVE ALONE NOW??!!??), met new friends and new people, looked at my scars and thought 'whoa I was a fucking trainwreck', well maybe I still am but somehow I can manage it so far.

And for that I am forever grateful for God, my family, and my close friends.

I'm not gonna write my bloody autobiography on my blog I swear if I did I'd make a series, not a post. So the point is, in my 19 years of breathing, I've been trough hell. I've seen my darkest hours. I've suffered something that no one ever deserves to suffer. But I made it out alive, I made it out with scars and wounds and some of them still bleed but I am alive, and stronger and more grateful than I was before. I'm still mentally screwed but I'm far much better than I was.

I didn't know what will happen later in life, like, maybe I'll see darker times than I've seen before. But if I could survived the last one, I hope I will be more prepared for next ones (which, hopefully, will never have to come for a visit)

There are some of you who have experienced something like I did and survived. Cherish yourselves for you are warriors of life.
There are some of you who are still suffering, still thinking that you're not worth it, that you don't deserve anything, that you'd be better off dead. Who are feeling like you can't get through your situation, feeling the worst feeling ever; numbness. If you ever come across this post of mine, remember that you can make it. Hold on tighter, be closer to God. Believe that you're stronger than your problems. Remember that it will always get better. Maybe it'll take some times for it to get better,maybe it'll take longer than 2 years but trust me, it will. I, honestly, am still fighting hard my mental illness. I know relapse is ready to attack at any time. But I'm trying, you should too.

It's not easy but, it is never easy. Sometimes the thought of being dead seems like a better solution but it is really not. If you ever feel like you should kill yourself, don't. Suicide is an answer but it is never a solution. I know it is damned hard, but if I can do it, than you can too. If I can survive than you can too. Remember that God is always close to you, you only have to reach out further to God because you are the one who is rarely close to God.

So for you, whoever you are; you, who is fighting for life; you, who has suicidal thought; you, who is fighting mental illness; you, who is in recovery or in relapse; you, who is facing a hard problem; you, who is self harming yourself tonight; you, who stumbled upon this post, I know you can get through this. I know you can make it. I believe in you, and you should believe in yourself too. It will be worth it at the end. Trust me someday your scars will be proof of how strong you really are, how you survive everything, you'll be able to look back, look down at your scars, and think "I made it."

Love,

Me.

relapse is just the worst.
like, you thought you were over it. you thought you had gotten a lot stronger but then bam! the feeling came back and you're just fucking hopeless and then there's another scar and then another and another and you desperately try to feel something, anything. but there's just this......numb feeling. it's not even even sadness it's just empty.
and then another angry scar.

Magic

I want to be a kid again, don't you?
That time when you fell and scratched your knee and it was okay to cry like a baby
When your biggest sin was stealing cookies at night
When you fell asleep on the couch and woke up on your bed
When you believed it was a real magic when the magician pulled a flower from his hat
When you sang a silly song off tune and people would laugh with you,

not at you

If I fall asleep on the couch tonight I'll wake up on the couch too tonight,

rubbing my eyes, blindly trying to find my way back to my room in the dark

If I fall and scratch my knee today, I'll only bit my lip and grimace at the little cuts

because crying over a scratched knee is for kids

And I'm not a kid, no matter how much I want to be one again

And I commit yet another sin in every step I take,

because I know I've chosen the wrong path

I miss being a kid, don't you?

But I still believe that magic exists, just not in the form of rabbit that comes out of nowhere

I've always loved to sing, you know

Mummy told me I've sung since I was only four, maybe younger

She said I used to sing in front of people, even when I didn't know them

And now that I'm older, I know better than to embarrass myself in front people

So I chose to sing silently to myself instead or sing only to those who already know me

It's....safer, in a way, I guess

But before you sleep, I want you to say your prayers

And when all you can see is darkness, recall the sound of me humming your favorite tune

Carrying you deeper and deeper into your slumber

And when you finally land your feet on the ground of dream, 

you know the whisper of the wind against the leaves is actually me, still humming to you

And by the time you open your eyes at dawn,

send your prayers with my hums still playing in the back of your mind

Because I don't really want to leave

Because I want to show you I can do magic too

"Why do you like reading so much?" people often ask me that

And I often just shrug, knowing that even if I explain it to them, they will never get it

But sometimes I get excited and tell them every each of my reasons

I love the smell of books and I love the sound the paper makes when I turn to another page

I love the hundreds feelings every story gives me

I love how every story creates another world for me to live in

I love how every book takes me to travel to somewhere beyond the world,

how it makes me fly with my soul and leave my body behind

I love how they make me forget about everything for a while

I love how every paragraph makes me feel different things,

pain in one, and bliss in another

I love how every book leaves me breathless once I've finished it

I love how every story teaches me things that aren't taught at school

I love how every book, every story, gives me yet another reason to love reading 

And I love how it will take me a day to list all my reasons

And I've probably bored you to tears right now

But my biggest reason is that I love the magic every book brings me

How do you imagine your future?

In your head, do you sit behind a table in a office with stacks of paper waiting for you?

Do you sit and eat together with your happy little family?

Do you run chasing your first child when he finally discovers he can run?

Do you see yourself smiling happily at your soulmate?

Do you see yourself as a doctor? Teacher? Musician?

When I imagine my future I see myself sitting on my bed with a pen in hand

and a notebook sitting on my lap, writing shit like this

Occasionally sipping on my coffee slowly as if it could help me find an inspiration

And when my little ones come in and ask me what I'm doing

I'll tell them, "Mummy's working on her magic, sweethearts."

And when they ask me to do some tricks I'll show them one of my old writings

And tell them that my magic is hidden beneath every letter written

Because I believe words are magic if you could arrange them with your heart

If you could pour your soul in to your sentences

If you willing to share the magic in you with every letter you write

And I know writing things like this can hardly make a living

I should probably get a more productive job

But I know I can't save people by inventing new medicine

I know I can't make people happy by building a beautiful park

I know I can't make people's lives easier by making a new machine

I know I can't help thousands of lives by stopping wars

I know I can't bring justice by locking up the villains and saving the innocents

But maybe, just maybe, I can calm people's souls by writing my soul out

Maybe, just maybe, I can make people's hearts feel again 

by showing them my feelings through my sentences

Maybe, just maybe, I can make someone a better person by telling them about my heart

Maybe, just maybe, I can tell people that I understand, even though I don't know them

merely by sharing my jumbled thoughts

And maybe, just maybe, I can erase the frowns on people's foreheads and lift the corners of their lips

when they feel my magic slowly working its way through their souls 

while they're reading my written thoughts

And for me, that's enough

For me, the smiles are enough